Even though life is pretty good for us, we are finding that the newness of life without the chains is always amazingly confusing. We have been thinking a lot ab9out where we go from here not as far as career or life choices for as all who read our blog know we are amazingly excited about being chef. But life choices that are far more personal.
A lot of people think that the cult is pretty much rule free a lot of people assume its drug induced haze and sexual orgiess are a blast even perhaps funny. But let me tell you that living In the cult is about rules its about a medley of remembering rituals and being able to replicate them over and over. Punishment was violent and often debilitating. The terrible guilt that rides your life post cult doesnt just go away.
In starkness we chose organised religion to try and ease the terrible guilt and burdens left by such a terribly horrible black hole. We in fact have found that nothing can ease the darkness of a soul eaten away by pain. We did try Christianity to try and ease that terrible pain but found it made us feel more guilty for being so shamefully tainted by the rituals we had been through.
And now we start again. We have thought long and hard about what if any spirituality that we can follow but we find that anything that involves gatherings or events we cant handle. We have often wondered if perhaps there is chance that our voyage on life has been done before. that maybe we reincarnate ourselves, maybe thats not true. We often find 9ourselves looking at religions that are more community, where they support and help those who need help more than them. My ideas as a chef are based on feeding the poor so there is no surprise there.
we are finding that alters like Josie are out more often. Now that religious zealism and you are going to go to hell if you do that has passed we are finding fun alters who have a passion for life albeit scarred they are giving us new eyes of life as they see it. Things that would have normally upset us and we would have deleted like Josie wrote down below we are now finding that we sit and wonder if perhaps she is right. We now are finding alters who like to have fun and because its guilt free we find ourselves relaxing bit by bit.
I have often said it feels like we are starting life all over again like its all brand new. its like we have been in prison and have been set free and we arent sure what to do. We also find ourselves doing a lot of things by ourselves almost like we this is a journey we cant share with any9one because how would anyone understand that we are now beginning to enjoy is a personal private exploration into who we are. But it is scary its a big world out there and we are finding our way into it for the first time.
Sabrina
A lot of people think that the cult is pretty much rule free a lot of people assume its drug induced haze and sexual orgiess are a blast even perhaps funny. But let me tell you that living In the cult is about rules its about a medley of remembering rituals and being able to replicate them over and over. Punishment was violent and often debilitating. The terrible guilt that rides your life post cult doesnt just go away.
In starkness we chose organised religion to try and ease the terrible guilt and burdens left by such a terribly horrible black hole. We in fact have found that nothing can ease the darkness of a soul eaten away by pain. We did try Christianity to try and ease that terrible pain but found it made us feel more guilty for being so shamefully tainted by the rituals we had been through.
And now we start again. We have thought long and hard about what if any spirituality that we can follow but we find that anything that involves gatherings or events we cant handle. We have often wondered if perhaps there is chance that our voyage on life has been done before. that maybe we reincarnate ourselves, maybe thats not true. We often find 9ourselves looking at religions that are more community, where they support and help those who need help more than them. My ideas as a chef are based on feeding the poor so there is no surprise there.
we are finding that alters like Josie are out more often. Now that religious zealism and you are going to go to hell if you do that has passed we are finding fun alters who have a passion for life albeit scarred they are giving us new eyes of life as they see it. Things that would have normally upset us and we would have deleted like Josie wrote down below we are now finding that we sit and wonder if perhaps she is right. We now are finding alters who like to have fun and because its guilt free we find ourselves relaxing bit by bit.
I have often said it feels like we are starting life all over again like its all brand new. its like we have been in prison and have been set free and we arent sure what to do. We also find ourselves doing a lot of things by ourselves almost like we this is a journey we cant share with any9one because how would anyone understand that we are now beginning to enjoy is a personal private exploration into who we are. But it is scary its a big world out there and we are finding our way into it for the first time.
Sabrina
I'm am glad you are finding some fun in your life. You have been to hell and back and deserve to feel some goodness in life. I think of you often and how far you have come this year. Bless you always.
ReplyDeleteSpread your wings and fly Sabrina...life is meant to be live fully. i am sorry you got so burned by spirituality we read this book that really helped us called "the subtle power of spiritual abuse" i encourage you to read it, it help us break free of the guilt and condemnation we received trying to find God in the church, here is the link if your interested - http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_2_20?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+subtle+power+of+spiritual+abuse+recognizing+%26+escaping+spiritual+manipulation+and+false+spiritual+authority&sprefix=the+subtle+power+of+&ih=14_3_0_3_0_0_0_0_0_1.140_528&fsc=-1
ReplyDeletethanks for the comments and ive purchased the book you suggested exhale thankyou
ReplyDeleteIt's a real eye opener...i hope you get as much out of it as we did and still do...
ReplyDeleteThis is awesome. I am so thankful you guys are choosing to live your journey in front of us. Safe hugs if you want them from some of us cyber-style...a high five, and a few peace signs, hahah!
ReplyDeleteus