Sunday, July 25, 2010

Birthdays and Memories

Today was my sons 14th birthday. He woke up early to play footy (AFL). He had a mate stay overnight and he gave him money. My ex and I discussed that we would meet to watch his footy match as a family. So for a change my son saw his dad his mum and four siblings cheer him on and in aussie style get to toot the horn when a goal was kicked. I ordered pizza a rare treat as i always make my own (typical chef), i took them to video store and they chose a video. We got home and i gave son his birthday present. 14 year old son lept in air grabbed me lifted me up high and said i love you mum. he had got his first laptop, six months of saving and two years of good school reports warranted such a treat.

But the say was marred with sadness. years ago my children's birthdays were always spent with family, well maybe not my family but with friends with community. Today as usual the phones remained silent. My ex husbands family who once paid so much attention to my children sent a card with money but refuse to call my house because well because im the horrible ex wife. My family well my birth parents, grandparents all of them dont care really if my kids have a birthday, my sister doesnt know if they have a birthday either. In fact I realised today if i dont make the effort to make sure my kids have a birthday no one will.

But i reminds me of all those years no one remembered mine. For years i sat hoping someone would say happy birthday, occasionally they would but then after that would come pain, until i wished i wouldn't even get a birthday. I was twelve when my mother decided she wanted me to have a party, so all was organised my five friends, only two said yes. They came over and mum was cooking on the outdoor barbecue, suddenly she turned and my friends scattered, not one talked to me after that, and i wished to god id never been born.

But my kids are different they have love they have me but why is that the terrible rawness of my own pain wanted to scream at stupid stubborn dumb arse fidiots and say, hate me dont punish the kids just freaking call them for their birthday, but pride gets in the way and fools are fools, and my pain still stands raw in amongst all of this stupidity.

Deshanti

2 comments:

  1. It so good to be able to give your child a Happy Birthday.

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  2. I really like this post. It is encouraging for me in the middle of some stuff i am going through. Again, thank you for being such good examples of what mothers can be when they come from the terror and horror you have risen from.

    I am sorry that their father's family is so judgemental, assuming, and punishing of the kids that should not receive any backlash. That sucks.

    I am glad he has such a good birthday,Deshanti.

    us

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