Amazing isnt it

I realised that last nights blog isnt a question anyone can answer but ourselves, i thought of taking it down but have decided to leave it there.

When we saw Rachel this week the last conversation we had was that we are coming up to a years anniversary of seeing her and she wanted us to think about what achievements and triumphs we could celebrate with her when we see her on Monday. We did ask to take in a bottle of passion pop and she said we could but couldnt open it LOL.

So heres some thoughts...............

Recently someone sent a email to us asking how we remained so cheerful, and i guess for us what isnt there to be cheerful about. We live in the most beautiful place on earth right beside the water, we attend a college in a course we love, we are passionate about cooking and cant wait for each day to think up new ideas with food, we are content in our life, we are wonderful money managers now we have left our ex and can save for holidays and this time next year i hope to be in full time employment as a chef in a hospital. What the hell isnt there to be cheerful about, but its more than that.

This last year we have achieved what so many people said we wouldn't. Our ex therapist used to say we were too damaged to ever be able to do anything with our life, our parents told us we were too stupid. We have set about changing those opinions. Yes we are a multiple but only we chose to remain damaged, every day we open our eyes and wonder what amazement will come into our life today. We plan to be positive and we use positive energy to create positive things in our life. We used to wake up planning how we were going to die, now we plan how we are going to live.

We refuse anymore to be sucked into the poor me syndrome, yep we have had a shit life but its not shit now so why live like ti is. We have been taught by Mr Wonka how to control the flashbacks and stay in the present and we have used our own personal experiences to find safe places inside to live through the memory without it living through our life. In other words we ahve a room internally that we go into to cope with flashbacks and so rarely now does that become an issue in every day life.

We also are learning to like ourselves. All our life we were told how bad we were, our ex therapist told us how bad we were and now we are finding we are actually good and healthy people multiple or not. We are finding we like our alters and rarely fight with them anymore we find a common ground and work with each other.

We no longer think people need to know about us being a multiple to understand us. In fact lesson have taught us the less they know the better and more smoother life lies for us. We cant escape our diagnosis but we dont have to forever live in it either.

We go into therapy with a goal and we leave with new goals. We have a policy that what is started must be finished or else we will be there forever still flashing and still stuck and still split. So alters who talk know the rule is to finish if its not done this week it will be the next. And slowly but surely things are improving, our six year old alter has no more flashbacks of horror because she got it out, the improvement in healing has been amazing. I know No one often sees that but i know that easter isnt the issue it was once with us and thats because its been healed.

We have strong boundaries with our therapists, they dont touch us, call us, communicate with us outside of the time we see them, we have their number but its in the bin in other words they have given us their number via their office but we have no interest in using it. Our ex therapist used to stroke hold and touch the little or even bigs and lie with them on the floor now days our therapists stay where they are and we do the work without touch, its working a treat.

We tell our alters each day that they matter and thats important. We sit at the beach and say we are free and thats the most important thing to say to anyone whose been in chains.

We dont have any organised religion anymore so life now is an exploration , almost like we are starting our life a fresh and we are so amazed by it.

We set ourselves goals and we stick with them.

We plan and execute holidays where as for many years we were too afraid to leave the comfort of what we know, now we pack a case and fly out the door. In november we have booked a house and are going to see my family driving interstate to do it. We are excited because this is journey we have said we would take and cant wait to stop at all the roadside stalls and have fun with our kids.

We often use Rachel's wise words there are no enemies in this room as there are none in our system. For years our ex therapist pitted us against ourselves and now we pitt ourselves against the world and we are winning LOL.

And lastly we are not evil, crazy, kooky, stupid, insane, scary or anything else, we are a living breathing surviving human being who cant wait to live life to all its wonder.