Friday, June 25, 2010


Well we are sitting in sunny queensland, it is warm and sunny and my kids are swimming in the pool and we are sipping cocktails, before noon LOL. So far we have been to movie world and dream world, they were fantastic. We have been down rides and seen sights and characters and the littles have even had a chance to go on rides its been amazing. Tomorrow we head to dream world for two days of fun and frivolity.

The only glitch has been the first day we were leaving our ex therapist who we have put a complaint in about requesting more information. Mainly dates that i say things occurred occurred. So again ive whizzed through my blogs and on my holidays sipping champagne i have found all the relevant info. Some of the more dumber questions she sent was when she says my client overdosed when did she say that occurred and what possible effect would that have on her.

the rest were about when did she say she went into flashback state and what date was that. LOL so i took so many blog accounts and sent then through. One of them involved giving info about money so that will have to wait until i get to my back to get those details. But i have said that if she can prove she gave receipts id like to see them.

Besides that we have another five days here at our resort then head home for a few weeks before we start college again. We are so looking forward to our future amazing isnt it.


Saturday, June 19, 2010

We damn well did it

Yesterday we completed our course we are now known as a commercial cook and have a certificate in hospitality to match it. Yesterday w were put on three courses and we called all orders just like a head chef. AND WE LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. Tomorrow we celebrate with 30 of our good mates. The next step is to become a qualified chef, this will take about six months and again it will be in full time schooling, we are enrolled and have been accepted with a quote "you are an outstanding chef in training with limitless potential". Our passion is with those who are less fortunate than us and so we are are in negotiation with the school to be working with soup kitchen feeding the poor, also some of our kitchen hours will be spent at primary schools teaching children the value of food and teaching them how to cook it. Life is holding so many possibilities. This knife sits on my right shoulder as a tattoo as yesterday we left class and have it on our shoulder as reminder of so many wonderful things

So i thought we would say some of the things we have learnt in the last six months.

Only those who are damaged themselves will say you are too damaged to ever be able to work.

No matter how tired you are one day can make a huge difference.

Toilets are a great place to silently sob tears.

Perfection isnt the key in cookery passion is.

Every day is a new day to remember that you are learning something new.

Stirring a pot and smelling aromas is the quiet place that tells you you are indeed at the right moment in the right time.

Multiples can cook amazing food.

We are popular because we show humanity.

We have never forgotten what hunger feels like.

We are not stupid, nor useless, nor unimaginative.

We are a success.

Humour is the key.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


As bizarre as this may sound we are sitting in a waiting room whilst waiting for rachel to see us. We were in such a rush this morning that we didnt have time to print out the numerous pages it would have taken to explain six weeks of not seeing her so we decided to bring our blog instead and show her via the laptop.

A lot of changes have taken place in the lat few weeks so perhaps starting a new blog is indicative of that. A week ago mr wonka and all of us were talking about isolation. But not the normal isolation you would get from growing up the way we did a stranger almost weirder isolation. After many rituals we were often escorted with adults away from proceedings. As the othr children grouped or were grouped we stood beside another adult, almost as though we werent to be contaminated from these other kids. Often as we stood and watched we saw the pain in their eyes and once or twice we interlocked with them and felt helpless almost useless to stop what was going on. In fact so bad did we fell that we often felt cheated like we ought to have been going through their stuff and yet at other times we saw hatred in their eyes.

Imagine how it felt to see a small child look at you not with anything but hatred. I wanted to run to them and say this isnt my fault i dont understand anymore than you why im in this position. But often a hand was firmly on my shoulder reminding me not to move.

Growing up i felt often the same way i was often called different or strange or up herself. When in fact i didnt know what any of that meant i just knew i didnt know what to say to these children and they didnt know what to say to me.

Then later on as we kept on being protected they grew to mistrust us. In their eyes they saw me as an enemy, at times jealous that i was being protected so well. Little did they know what was going on behind the scenes for me. only once did we dare to try and make a friend in the cuklt and believe me that mistake never ever happened again. And so we spent so much time isolated be it in our mind in our emotions in our body or in actual life.

its hard for us even to this day tp trust we dont understand our own feelings at times and even dont know if any of our friends will be able to understand. We dont mean at times to stay aloof but perhaps a journey of pain has taught us to stand a bit apart. but i do know that the series of strained emotions that involved that terrible loneliness sometimes seeps into our life now, as we rather our own company on cant help but wonder if its because we still hold so many scars.


Monday, June 14, 2010

a new home

it feels weird to have a new blog home. I think we feel relieved. For the last three years we have known that our previous therapist can see us and read about us and to be honest it has made us uneasy. But the system have been to scared of change. they have been afraid that no one will see them if we move to this new home here but the truth is people will know who we are soon enough and just like the previous blog they will continue to walk a journey with us and us you.

But the truth also is that we have been so careful on our previous blog because we know our previous therapist and her friends have been watching, that it has made the system feel trapped. Moving to here is our way of starting a new blog with new eyes and we have started a new life so we feel one chapter must close and another can start.

I think we have felt re abused every time she read our blogs re traumatised she has done so much damage that we wonder how she can still remain a therapist. But thankfully this blog wont include her so we feel safer at writing as well.

We would like to over the next few weeks recap some therapy we have had because the journey has been significant and some puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place.