So this week after many days of pursuing i have been offered a job as a casual in a nursing home cooking. this was something that came out of the blue as at first i was asking for work experience and they said they couldn't do that but because of my credentials including getting my cert II in first aide and now my food supervisors licence then they would give me a three month trial on the books. I have to hand in my resume then work out the hours. They will work around my studies and fingers crossed this will lead to full time job during xmas and thereafter. Im a bit stunned but also elated at how persistence always pays.
As for us our week has been college every dayand long hours. Last night was there first time we have had any space since mondays session with rachel and boy did the littles demand. Even to point of last night a where my bed was all fluffed up ready to go seepie in (sleeping in LOL). Today we have cooked, we have made home made samosas, Indian rice parcels, started chilli jam (it needs overnight to really get flavour) made Thai fish cakes and apple strudel. now all of these meals are for dinners all this week as yet another long week of school looms. One more week then school holidays for me and the kids for two weeks.
Its funny but the system is quieter these days, by that i mean they are more content, one of the alters said the other day why shout when this time we know we are being heard. their confidence on the therapy they are receiving has quietened them down to knowing their story their voice will get heard. there is also a sense of sinking dread, ebony desperately wants to integrate and for whatever reason it didnt happen when acantha saw us (due to acanthas negligence more than anything) now ebony wants to tell her story and integrate a wish she has had for now many many years. To be honest though we dont know what to do. Telling her story makes us squeamish oh dont get me wrong she has to share and i wont stand in her way but this is the true test for us and Rachel. Ebony's story is repulsive and cruel, it attacks all emotions on many levels, none being more painful than that disintegration between her and nanna because of it. But this is also our true test in trust of rachel. I know rachel can be trusted but there is always that niggling feeling that just when we might get a good therapist they might decide to up and leave, it seems for us the bad ones stick around the good ones go.
Its funny when i think why am i nervous its not because im attached to Rachel i think we are comfortable with her therapy we know its working and therefor its the therapy we are afraid of losing not the therapist ( i know that sounds weird but its true). Rachel's style of therapy is what makes it unique for us rachel happens to come along with that and facilitates that style of therapy. because Rachel; has a history in family therapy we think this style of family therapy for our system is working, yet this time we remain unattached.
So i am concerned firstly i dont know how ebony will integrate and secondly having seen botched jobs with acantha in integration i dont know how to know if she really has integrated. Ive seen alters integrate before and then years later emerge, this happened after we saw acantha, alters had simply got so scared of her they had hidden and then re emerged once the threat had gone and alters protecting them had simply said they had integrated to keep the monster at bay.
So where to for ebony well im not sure Rachel is no expert in D.I.D and i have no idea either but i know that she has had this wish for many years and i feel now is the time to fulfill ebony's desire. I have to trust that some higher power this time might need to come into play in this arena. I need to trust the higher power that Rachel copes with what ebony has to say, i need to trust in a higher power that Ebony's healing can take place in spite of terrible pain and trauma. And at the same time hope in higher power that ebony finds the peace she desires. Maybe that could be your prayers also.
flame and sa'de
As for us our week has been college every dayand long hours. Last night was there first time we have had any space since mondays session with rachel and boy did the littles demand. Even to point of last night a where my bed was all fluffed up ready to go seepie in (sleeping in LOL). Today we have cooked, we have made home made samosas, Indian rice parcels, started chilli jam (it needs overnight to really get flavour) made Thai fish cakes and apple strudel. now all of these meals are for dinners all this week as yet another long week of school looms. One more week then school holidays for me and the kids for two weeks.
Its funny but the system is quieter these days, by that i mean they are more content, one of the alters said the other day why shout when this time we know we are being heard. their confidence on the therapy they are receiving has quietened them down to knowing their story their voice will get heard. there is also a sense of sinking dread, ebony desperately wants to integrate and for whatever reason it didnt happen when acantha saw us (due to acanthas negligence more than anything) now ebony wants to tell her story and integrate a wish she has had for now many many years. To be honest though we dont know what to do. Telling her story makes us squeamish oh dont get me wrong she has to share and i wont stand in her way but this is the true test for us and Rachel. Ebony's story is repulsive and cruel, it attacks all emotions on many levels, none being more painful than that disintegration between her and nanna because of it. But this is also our true test in trust of rachel. I know rachel can be trusted but there is always that niggling feeling that just when we might get a good therapist they might decide to up and leave, it seems for us the bad ones stick around the good ones go.
Its funny when i think why am i nervous its not because im attached to Rachel i think we are comfortable with her therapy we know its working and therefor its the therapy we are afraid of losing not the therapist ( i know that sounds weird but its true). Rachel's style of therapy is what makes it unique for us rachel happens to come along with that and facilitates that style of therapy. because Rachel; has a history in family therapy we think this style of family therapy for our system is working, yet this time we remain unattached.
So i am concerned firstly i dont know how ebony will integrate and secondly having seen botched jobs with acantha in integration i dont know how to know if she really has integrated. Ive seen alters integrate before and then years later emerge, this happened after we saw acantha, alters had simply got so scared of her they had hidden and then re emerged once the threat had gone and alters protecting them had simply said they had integrated to keep the monster at bay.
So where to for ebony well im not sure Rachel is no expert in D.I.D and i have no idea either but i know that she has had this wish for many years and i feel now is the time to fulfill ebony's desire. I have to trust that some higher power this time might need to come into play in this arena. I need to trust the higher power that Rachel copes with what ebony has to say, i need to trust in a higher power that Ebony's healing can take place in spite of terrible pain and trauma. And at the same time hope in higher power that ebony finds the peace she desires. Maybe that could be your prayers also.
flame and sa'de
You are always in our thoughts and prayers. You are growing so much it is a joy to watch.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the new job!! I am so happy for you! It makes me feel good to read about a dream come true. Hope all goes well. Your menu made my mouth water!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the job offer, hope it all works out the way you want it too.
ReplyDeleteAs for Ebony's desire for integration...I encourage each of you to define what that words means.
In our own experience we have found true integration is not and event but a process that happens naturally as we get to know one another.