Did i ever tell you about my shoulder...............
Since i started therapy many moons ago, i have had numerous issues but none more prevalent than the damn shoulder and the right leg. As time has gone on the shoulder pain has come and gone but the leg now had taken over. As ive started the therapy ive been having with rachel we ha started to explore the cage memories and Ebony's memories i have started to realise that an equation is starting to get put together.
I remember going to see a naturopath (a world exclaimed one) when i was about 23. I went because my shoulder was hurting so bad and with it came the back pain. he was a no nonsense naturopath who welcomed modern medicine in traditional and so ordered a xray. He called when the results were in and asked my husband to accompany me. I thought this was unusual and was worried, ny husband came with me. He sat down and asked do you remember any abuse that would explain the injuries i see on this xray. At this stage i was not even in therapy but was showing signs of increasing time loss and other issues. He went onto say that the only other time he'd seen this sort of back issues was from torture victims in other countries.
My back according Io him resembled that of a train wreck, he said he had never seen a back as bad as ours before and he immediately contacted a chiropractor. he also said that he felt the shoulder (right) had been dislocated more than once and how did i think that might have happened. I responded saying i wasnt sure, He warned me without treatment it would not get better. I didnt do anything about it and now 17 years later regret that decision.
Over the years my back and shoulder spasm on and off but lately its been daily. This morning my back spasmed as i leaned over the kitchen sink, tonight my shoulder has been aching, it gets so bad i have to manoeuvre my body to place it stops the spasming. Lately the spasms come with incosistant memories. Hanging from ceiling being lifted high and dropped, hearing cracks and enormous pain. Dangling in a cage round and round again and even being dragged downstairs at those infamous poker matches.
As for the leg im not sure but maybe cramped in cages its created pain unimaginable. But then there is something weird. And i know this is over the top but........... my leg this year has been getting worse. It cramps it aches its painful the wierdest thing is my mum always had the worse most aching leg (same leg). i remember one day as she bandaged it she turned to me and with those eyes of hers she was malicious and spat out you think this hurts wait till you get it. the things is years later im in the same pain yet the person saying it i had absolutely no blood lineage with. She was my adoptive mother yet i am now in the sane pain she was exactly the same leg same symptoms. is it possible she cursed me you bet its possible do i believe it perhaps having such bad experiences with acanthas bullshit has made me dubious of curses and plants and the rest. but my past doesn't ignore the fact that the cult will use whatever it can to hurt you especially when you aren't behaving. is it co incidence that the more we walk away and get healing the more my body faces pain that has no diagnosis.
Yet we are not deterred, if we have to face this sort of pain perhaps we need to see It as instead of pain maybe its internal physical healing. Could it be possible that we re healing from the inside out. As each memeory of childhood abuse is spoken and let go we are healing internally in ways we never expected. I know the backache we have been feeling has also come at times with bent back fingernails. Some of our fingernails have been pulled back without warning in fact we used the phone the other day and we caught them again they had already been damaged, we woke up with them damaged. Our last memeory was ebony scratching the walls of the wardrobe she was left in.
I dont know what is going on exactly i just know that its ok. I feel that we are moving forward but its painful. Quitting now isnt an option so pain or not we will just have to keep going forward.
jip-etal
Since i started therapy many moons ago, i have had numerous issues but none more prevalent than the damn shoulder and the right leg. As time has gone on the shoulder pain has come and gone but the leg now had taken over. As ive started the therapy ive been having with rachel we ha started to explore the cage memories and Ebony's memories i have started to realise that an equation is starting to get put together.
I remember going to see a naturopath (a world exclaimed one) when i was about 23. I went because my shoulder was hurting so bad and with it came the back pain. he was a no nonsense naturopath who welcomed modern medicine in traditional and so ordered a xray. He called when the results were in and asked my husband to accompany me. I thought this was unusual and was worried, ny husband came with me. He sat down and asked do you remember any abuse that would explain the injuries i see on this xray. At this stage i was not even in therapy but was showing signs of increasing time loss and other issues. He went onto say that the only other time he'd seen this sort of back issues was from torture victims in other countries.
My back according Io him resembled that of a train wreck, he said he had never seen a back as bad as ours before and he immediately contacted a chiropractor. he also said that he felt the shoulder (right) had been dislocated more than once and how did i think that might have happened. I responded saying i wasnt sure, He warned me without treatment it would not get better. I didnt do anything about it and now 17 years later regret that decision.
Over the years my back and shoulder spasm on and off but lately its been daily. This morning my back spasmed as i leaned over the kitchen sink, tonight my shoulder has been aching, it gets so bad i have to manoeuvre my body to place it stops the spasming. Lately the spasms come with incosistant memories. Hanging from ceiling being lifted high and dropped, hearing cracks and enormous pain. Dangling in a cage round and round again and even being dragged downstairs at those infamous poker matches.
As for the leg im not sure but maybe cramped in cages its created pain unimaginable. But then there is something weird. And i know this is over the top but........... my leg this year has been getting worse. It cramps it aches its painful the wierdest thing is my mum always had the worse most aching leg (same leg). i remember one day as she bandaged it she turned to me and with those eyes of hers she was malicious and spat out you think this hurts wait till you get it. the things is years later im in the same pain yet the person saying it i had absolutely no blood lineage with. She was my adoptive mother yet i am now in the sane pain she was exactly the same leg same symptoms. is it possible she cursed me you bet its possible do i believe it perhaps having such bad experiences with acanthas bullshit has made me dubious of curses and plants and the rest. but my past doesn't ignore the fact that the cult will use whatever it can to hurt you especially when you aren't behaving. is it co incidence that the more we walk away and get healing the more my body faces pain that has no diagnosis.
Yet we are not deterred, if we have to face this sort of pain perhaps we need to see It as instead of pain maybe its internal physical healing. Could it be possible that we re healing from the inside out. As each memeory of childhood abuse is spoken and let go we are healing internally in ways we never expected. I know the backache we have been feeling has also come at times with bent back fingernails. Some of our fingernails have been pulled back without warning in fact we used the phone the other day and we caught them again they had already been damaged, we woke up with them damaged. Our last memeory was ebony scratching the walls of the wardrobe she was left in.
I dont know what is going on exactly i just know that its ok. I feel that we are moving forward but its painful. Quitting now isnt an option so pain or not we will just have to keep going forward.
jip-etal
Yes abuse can also cause physical problems that need attention. Please continue to take care of yourself. ((((Safe Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteGood job looking at the cause. You guys are amazing. Hang in there. You know, a good book I have found very helpful with body memories etc is You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay. Pretty powerful information, if that's something you are looking for.
ReplyDeleteI wish you safety, hugs if you want them, and hope as you continue to process. Hang in there!
us
"Internal physical healing" is a good way to look at it.
ReplyDeleteI struggle with a lot physical pain all the time also... I hope you are able to find some relief and, even better, something that will help to heal you.
ReplyDeleteSending safe hugs and hope!
I totally agree that healing comes from the inside out because it has been our experience. I also believe that people have the ability to bless and curse us and that we live not only in a physical world but a spiritual one. I would verbally speak aloud rebuking and rejecting any curse your family placed upon any part of your humanity. We struggle with pain sometimes as well...we call them our phantom pains because they appear out of nowhere and vanish just as quickly. We are reading this book right now called "Trauma and the Body" it's a difficult read but it's helping us understand that the phantom pains are really a manifestation of the trauma our physical body experienced.
ReplyDelete