Well xmas has come and gone, but not without its fair share of components. Christmas eve we spent at my best friends house we watched carols together and it was fun. Christmas day i went to work and thats where the emotional roller coaster started. So many residents had no one to come for them this Christmas. Many sat in their room staring out the window as they watched othrs leave with their families. As i visited each room with their lunch i couldnt help but feel overwhelmed with such sadness. Sone had just numb looks on their faces and even worse some looked like they were going to cry. So i took the time to crack some crackers with them and put on their party hats and wish them a merry xmas and as i did their faces instantly changed as they giggled when the cracker went off and they laughed at me in my xmas hat over my chefs hat that i have to wear. Emotionally it ripped my heart to bits.
After work i headed back to my best friends house to see my own children and have lunch. When i arrived i found her pissed as a fart and it wasnt pleasant. When she drinks it usually turns nasty and apparently before i arrived she had started a fight with a fellow friend in front of my kids and my kids were uncomfortable. After three hours of seeing her drink more and get more nasty i packed up my kids and went home. When we got home my kids opened the rest of their presents and to squeals of delight and hugs they all told me how much they loved me LOL.
To be honest im glad xmas is over i dont find it fun i dont even like xmas. This doesnt have to do with abuse or past abuse this has to do with the feeling of getting overwhelmed by what goes on and the sadness it entails as i saw in the nursing home. As for us we probably are feeling overwhelmed by the last therapy session, overwhelmed by seeing what we saw in the nursing home, overwhelmed by my best friends behaviour. I think that some self nurturing is what we need. We need to process whats been going on and i think that our feelings right now is to insulate and isolate ourselves until we do that.
We have gotten to understand ourselves enough to know that when we cant make sense of whats going on we need the time to process it and the only way to do that is to remove ourselves from society until we can work out what really is going on. Although we are healing at a steady and good pace we find that we dont have time to appreciate whats gone on either in therapy or elsewhere and we need time to do that, unless we do we start o get bogged down by everything. So we find ourselves smiling as we remember the first year we moved here and we spent all that time alone and i think we will do that again for a while, its what makes us feel so safe.
Deshanti
You made people smile! What more of a blessing can we give. You continue to grow and heal it is a sure joy to see. Standing here in the corner with you.
ReplyDeleteWOW. So sorry about your best friends stuff showing through...
ReplyDeleteMy dad was in a nursing home for several years and even tho we all tried to include him and visit him, he was still so astronomically sad, it broke my heart. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for being so kind and thotful to the family members of those you were with.
ReplyDeleteYou've been on my mind a lot lately. I miss our talks.
ReplyDeleteChristmas is really not my thing anymore although I used to love it. You are right about the sadness of the holiday, it really is that way for a lot of folks.
I hope you're finding the time you need for yourself.
I haven't commented on the other posts but wanted to mention I did read them AND I thought you told me you couldn't draw. Whoever did that piece of work can most certainly draw. It does, however, remind me of one of the things I drew about but then I guess that's no surprise.
Hoping you all have a very Happy New Year!
Hi my friend,
ReplyDeleteChristmas is not my favurite time but I think its great you still put an effort in for the kids as for them it is such a fun day
Any way I just popped by to say happy new year
Kia hora te marino, kia whakapapa pounamu te moana,
Kia tere karohirohi i mua i tou huarahi.
May calm be spread around you, may the sea glisten like greenstone and the shimmer of summer dance across your path.
I have worked in long term care for many years. There have always been residents that have no-one to visit them at the holidays. Often the relatives just can't get to them. It's a sad thing.
ReplyDeleteWishing you a joyful new year with your kids.
I am wondering if you'd be so kind as to send me an invite to this blog at my faycinacroud@gmail.com address. I use the Faycin A Croud account a lot more than the Blooming Psycho one these days as I am writing a diary of thoughts to my father, who died November 28th, under that account.
Much love.
Frohes Neues Jahr!
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that people are alone at Christmas as well as the rest of the year. It's caring people like you who make a difference in their lives.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year