A Miriad of emotions and such things.

We saw Rachel and the first few things she said were that she had had to make extra appointment times for other clients at times and that we were not unique. it was like a burden had been lifted almost like it was normal that when you are facing a heavy time extra therapy may be needed. In our case this has been the first time in the fourteen months that i have seen rachel that ever have we needed an' extra therapy appointment, and hopefully the last But I am relieved that we sucked it up and went.

Sa'de

The session was focused and driven we knew what needed to be done and we simply had to do it. The story was and is horrific, its abuse that is satanic in its full form and the damage is extensive and intensive. but tinged with this terrible trauma lies relief. Finally the story can be told and a ray of light can be seen. But what the cult did to the system over a week has certainly damaged the soul. As two alters spoke yesterday they talked about floating and watching about sinking and hiding, they spoke almost in monotone and throughout their body was numb. There was no where these alters could go so they went to places in time that dissociated their ale ready dissociated mind so that they could cope. Im not sure how you put those alters back together but i know a higher power that would know.

Today those alters are resting but not in the state that Acantha left them in, they are truly resting. They are finally having moments of dreamless sleep as i watch their minds starting to heal. I see them with their head a little higher today and i know that is the result of hope. As rachel listened and didnt say much at times i saw through their eyes the look on her face and i understood that rawness of both disbelief and shock and i understood and knew that feeling and that look. But Rachel did what Acantha didnt do, she sat quietly and gently listening and only briefly saying this isnt your fault. As an alter kept saying she wanted to find a rope and die that night rachel said she understood, Rachel kept her emotions to herself and remained professional, she made us feel safe enough to continue to let the alters share. In many ways yesterday we perhaps truly understood the role of a good therapist. Whereas Acantha made the moment all about her and how sad she was rachel did nothing of that. yesterdays therapy session was all about us no matter how rachel was feeling she at all times remained professional yet we knew she was listening.

Today we met with Noel and as we were describing what had been going on to him he said quietly i need to stop you here before you go on. And to our shock and yet amazement he told us of a ancient cult that he knew of that did exactly what had been done to us to others especially children. Then an ancient king came along and put a stop to this practice through his own form of punishment. And as I looked at Noel and said OMG he nodded and said obviously the practice still goes on. Then I felt like my head was going to spin so what he was saying what that nearly three thousand years ago the exact ritual that happened to me had happened to others. I still am not sure of the meaning behind all that. Now how does Noel know that and that is because he is a pastor who has extensively studied the bible and its written in there and he had to do some sort of study on the king that outlawed the practice, he said he would look it up again and we said fine bring it when we see rachel next .

Today we are more tired than we usually are we can feel the tenseness in our body starting to ease and wi that comes genuine sleepiness. But also im not in pain the system isnt in pain, we have a goal and we want to finish it. I dont know if we will have time to do that all on Monday but we are going to try.

Cleo and lucinda