Space

Well finally as of this Friday for the first time in over a year i actually have eight days off from the kids. Wohoooo. And these eight days are actually being spent in my home instead of me having to had elsewhere to get a break. So what are we going to do....... absolutely and totally one hundred percent nothing. In fact we are determined to try and finish reading a series of books that we started a few weeks ago for we, we have five books to go in the series. we also are thinking of trying to do a collage, we are finding that we find ti hard to describe the horror of our life and we have seen ott
er survivors collages and have been touched by their honesty in those collages so we will see how we go.

We also spent time last week after we saw ourselves heading down a depression path we hadnt seen for nearly three years, so we started to put in protective measures in place into our system that didnt allow that panic of time loss through excessive busyness. So in the mornings we get a cup of tea stay curled up in bed and watch the news. Last week we were given a massive tv after the chef at work was throwing it away as he had a got a new huge plasma, so this tv has moved into my bedroom and its been a godsend. After that we organise brekky then we organise the kids and go for a swim which is again something we had slackened off on as we felt our depression get deeper. wee then might take the kids to the skate park where we read a book and enjoy spending time with our kids. We simply changed our tack and have found we are more relaxed and happy. We also try and sit on the beach each night and read a book for an hour.

But also other things have changed we thought it would be good for Sa'de and Deshanti to have a break. Looking after kids and everything is exhausting unlike all the The times Sa'de has had a break this time it was a mutual decision and not made out of desperation or hatred that we used to get with Acantha. So Sa'de has gone to Josies cave and is quite happy tio sit back on her beanbag and watch tv. As for Deshanti shes gone to spend time with Daisy and the baby at the log cabin by the lake, she too is relaxed and enjoying cooking marshies by the fire.

As i look back i have to wryly smile, how different this is from a few years ago. Where Sa'de would storm off and go to the cave where Acanthas meddling in our internal systme made it nearly impossible to have a proper rest how she meddled so much that even when sa"de would try and get a break Acantha always found a away to get her back. This time around our hard work has paid off we now do work better as a system, we just have to remind ourselves of that.

I also understand d what our problem is and how much that rules our life and thats time. We always feel overwhelmed by the lack of time and how panicked we feel when we dont have any. but we do know what a trigger that is for us and perhaps something we will talk to Rachel about when we see her next as its obviously a huge issue for us and extremely triggering

Thalia and Josie