I don't want the pat answers to this blog im venting in pain anguished, this is the rawness of therapy as it takes hold deep into the soul to hopefully penetrate healing.
Im ashamed deeply ashamed I feel it deep inside its sick and twisted and deep and horrible, its enpugh to take my breathe away for moments to ponder if any of this is worth it. We feel open sore humiliated, ashamed, revolting, unfocused, disgust, horror, dread and most of all unwashable filth.
We went close to time today in therapy and Rachel asked us to stay an hour so she could check on us, I didn't se the point, whats the fucking point whats it worth, we are filth no point checking on us, we are so damn filthy that we were too ashamed to look at her, all we see is where we were once stuck in a cage revolting.
I don't know what to do I am so much in pain, too much pain this time too overwhelming too hard to enveloping cant go on.