This is hard work, very very hard. We have some goals set for the next two sessions with rachel before she takes a well deserved and needed three week break. She did say yesterday that we could call the office and she would see us if we needed but in reality theres probably a near zero chance of that happening.
So with a small window of time we have been focusing on tripeze and her horror story. You know one of the things that we said to rahcel yesterday was that we just always said that tripeze was the girl who hung from the meat hooks. We have been overwhelmed in what exactly she has faced. As rachel said yesterday in a lot of ways tripeze story is many others stories as well, because tripeze never made it out of the meat cellar her story is solely what went on there, she didnt switch nor was another alter created she took it all.
And to sday what she took is overwhelming would be an understatement. We reel in shock at her horrible experiences and yet at the same time she continues to say each day shes feeling better and as the sessions pass her tearless eyes have become tear filled as shes sobbed in agony we too sob with her. We sometimes look at rachel seeking some sort of understanding or comprehension for whats shes shared but we know that rachel struggles in the same way we do to find words to wordless and horrific deeds. Sometimes i want to implore tripeze to not share anymore as my heart breaks in agony at her words and experiences. Some things have triggered our own realisation of how some things that we thought we were coping with perhaps we really havent finished at all.
Then the other day where we live there was a accidental drowning, due to circumstances we were privvy to some of the rescue that took place and unfortunetely saw the body as it lay in a body bag all bloated and discoloured. this has deeply effected us more than we recognise and there are a lot of internal conclusions true or false regarding this accident. but it is affecting us.
As we try and focus on tripeze healing and we try and unwrap our feelings as they emerge we also are facing a different dilemna. Recently we returned to work after the knee injury and because of the things that were said about us when we were trying to cope with our injury that our boss said. That on top of the fact that between my boss and a cio worker they reduced a very close friend of mine to have to walk out for her sanity and as she literally ran out of work to her car i got the call of trauma and distress from her and it is a call that i wish i never have to hear again.
So with that in mind many of us that previously went to work have decided we do not wish to be prt of it anymore and so therefor in many ways we have gone on strike. So instead of the fun girl they used to have at work they now have a very quiet and gentle and totally different alter. This seems to be causing them some issues. Perhaps irritating my boss no end as she tries to find fault in what has been done at work and usually comes up against lucy who smiles and sayds thankyou for pointing that out i will not make the same mistake next time. But i am noticing that lucy is getting tired she finds the nastiness in the place hard to bare and so gets upset for the things she sees around her that are hurting other people. So somehow there needs to be a common ground for us to support her so on friday when we were away from our bosses eye shot say at the sinkad down we would do a quick switch with lucy and only when we needed to face our boss or co worker we equally dont trust did lucy come back.
But this is exhausting and does physically make you tired not just mentally so perhaps on top of hearing and dealing with tripeze story we are also doing what e need to survive at work which for us has become similar to a battlefield. Then to add to that is its Christmas and we passionately loath Christmas so we are not and will not be excited by any of that. And with so many alters seeking healing it is certainly getting far too busy inside my only worry is that we can calm them down long enough to get them to understand that healing will have to wait a few more weeks as rachel takes a break.