i want to go away i want to integate you know when you go was and dont come bak im not tring to eskape but im tring to finish with my pane and go inot the angels arms i hope rachel unasands that.
We want to help her we want her to integrate if thats what she wants,I see her pain i see her anguish, but rachel asked a question of us the other day that sort of unsettled us, but it was more than that it made us feel deep red anger, almost uncontrollable anger. She asked this "how do you feel when you see your father with so much and you with so little
I keep asking god to allow him to die, i see him spend oodles of money on overseas trips on whatever he likes and yet deep down he earned that money because of my sister and i, and we feel extreme rage. I see grandparents how love their kids and i see my father who doesnt even know my own birth date let alone his grand kids, i see a selfish person whose been allowed to stay alive because he deals solely with the devil and i dont understand when god will intervene. Someone intervened with my mother why cant they with him.
Yet he prances around like a peacock and he can have what he wants, this is a father who wouldnt even 0ay for his daughters new breasts after she had toi have them removed, why because he felt she hadnt payed enough penance to him by apologising for not being in communication with him for these years.
This is a guy who would easily lie and look at you in the face and make you feel the guilty one, this is a guy whose bargain with the devil stole mine and my sisters soul. From eating a dozen donuts to a cornetto he stole my soul with the bargaining chips of a child whose own starvation meant she would do anything to fill her empty belly. This father of mine is a criminal in so many aspects, yet his dealing with those around him make hm a hero. I know theres a special place in hell for people like him for me i wish it would be fast.
We were a victim of his discrepancies along with so many many others, we were a pawn in his game his gambling game his game of life.
Johnny
Some parents don't deserve the beautiful children they had. I believe someday they will pay for their sins.
ReplyDeleteHey Johnny, it was good to hear from you here, even though it is a very painful subject. I completely get your anger at him, and it doesn't seem fair at all that he gets to live. Some of you guys before have talked about how people's evils catch up with them, and I hope that the same happens for him. We wish the little one well, and believe in her if she says she is ready to integrate. Only you guys can know that fully; you will know even when others doubt. Hang in there. You guys have a lot on your plate, but from what we can see, you are doing your damnedest to do the best you can. Progress, not perfection. Hope your health is fareing better than it was a few days ago. Peace, David from Journal of Healing
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